Healing From Pornography

                                                (This page is under construction)

           Pornography  is  a growing addiction in the lives of many men.   It does not have the same appeal to women.   Men are more visually oriented, whereas women stress relationships.  Porn  has also invaded the Christian community.   Men who are faithful in worship attendance also may be addicted to porn  and  have hidden it from their spouses for a long time.  However, the effect of Porn in a marriage  will be known by the wife sooner or later.
            Pornography is something one uses to gain a sexual turn-on, it creates an attitude of having sex with someone who is not your wife and  it does not qualify as art.  It creates an ego centered
attitude toward sexuality rather than a responsible, loving relationship. Pornography always promises what it can't deliver.  Most addictive behavior is trying to fill a need that  the "fix", whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, or pornography, can never fill.

            Marriages have been lost over the addiction to pornography.   Children have been abused  due to the same problem.   Pornography twists a man’s thinking, women  are viewed as sex objects,  rather than a loving relationship of husband and wife.

             Pornography  dehumanizes  women particularly, and men and boys  where one is attracted to the same sex.   The addict  views women as a means of gratification  without regard for the well-being of the woman, or responsibility to the woman.   Sex  becomes a sport  and as in any sport one wants to become better at the game.  But in this sport  pornography  is used  as an arousing means,  isolating sex from a  loving relationship. Twenty percent (20%)  of pornographic material depcits acts of sexual assault and rape and that percentage is increasing.  This reflects the growing need in pornography for something more intense.

            Pornography confuses  lust with love.   Lust  has no end,  there is only  short term fulfillment before more intense porn is needed to  overcome the growing tolerance for  pornography.    One may begin with “soft” porn  but there is a growth into “hard” porn.

            Harmful?   One may  rationalize  and say, “looking at nude pictures is not harmful,”  but the research  indicates  pornography  is not an innocent pastime.   In a study of men who had come to grips with porn and   rejected it after many years,   80 percent said that it was harmful, 82 percent  indicated that it  distorted their view of sexuality,  and 71 percent said that it was destructive in their lives.     Unlike drugs which affect  the body as well as the mind,  Pornography  begins  with the mind  and later affects the function of the body.  Sexual is dependent upon the mind first of all,  and pornography  distorts how one thinks about sexuality.   Alaska and Nevada have the highest  rape sttistic in the nation and they also have the highest readership of pornography.   This is ironic since  Nevada has legalized prostitution.

            How to Overcome Pornography;

         l.  Admit the problem first of all to yourself.  Rationalizing will not help, it only delays the return to normalcy.   It will be hard to admit,  because no one may know about it,  but you alone  know and you alone  can  begin the healing process.

         2. Admit the problem to someone you trust. Your wife may have suspected something and she can be  a strong ally in recovery.  But you need also someone else who is not family to hold you accountable.    Admit the problem to God because He is also your allay in healing.   Somehow just admitting it to God  is easy enough and He holds us accountable, but  this accountability is increased when we admit this to one of his servants.    Psalm 32:3-5 stresses the importance of confessing and admitting.   Confession  is important to begin  dealing with the matter seriously.
         3. Throw out all of your porn….whether magazines, videos, pictures, or whatever.
If you  are using the Internet for pornography,  purchase a filter that will not allow porn to come to your site.   Shut down this means of temptation.  Check this site for filters that will stop porn coming to your computer: Focus on the family .      Stay away from video stores that rent or sell porn.
        4.  Begin a day at a time program.   You do not have to swear off pornography for the rest of your life,  just  today.  Each day  you succeed  will bring  greater encouragement for winning tomorrow.     If you fail for a day,  you can recall all the days you succeeded, and you can begin a new  account after your failure.

        5.Make this addiction a serious matter of prayer.   God is in the business of reclaiming lives.  He is the God of new beginnings.  Regardless of how long you have been addicted,  God  will enable you to change your way of thinking about porn.  It will take some time to claim complete victory.  Remember you got into this over a period of time, and it may take a period of time for you to free your mind of all  the seduction of pornography.

        6. Saturate your mind with  Scripture.  Start with Psalms: 119:9-11…”How can young people keep their lives pure?  By obeying your commands. With all my heart I try to serve you:  keep me from disobeying your commandments.  I keep your law in my heart, so that I will not sin against you.”
        Then  Philippians 4:8,  “In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.”
        Hebrews 12:1-2,   “ As for us, we have this large crowd of witnesses around us. So then, let us rid ourselves of everything that gets in the way, and of the sin which holds on to us so tightly, and let us run with determination the race that lies before us.  Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. on whom our faith depends ….”
        Romans 12:1-2   “So then, my friends, because of God’s great mercy to us I appeal to you:  Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him. This is the true worship that you should offer.  Do not conform yourselves to standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind.  Then, you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.”    (See also Romans  6 and 7; Psalm   15)

        7. If you need professional counseling,here are some possibilities.

                                      Sex Addicts Anonymous
                                      National Service Organization for S.A.A. Inc.
                                      Houston, TX
                                      (713) 869-4902

                                      Sexaholics Anonymous
                                      Los Angeles, CA
                                      (213) 859-5585
                                      New York, NY
                                      (212) 439-1123

                                      Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
                                      Boston, MA
                                      (617) 332-1845

                                      Sex Offenders Anonymous (SOANON)
                                      Van Nuys, CA
                                      (818) 244-6331

                                      Christian Association for Psychological Studies (CAPS)
                                      Temecula, CA
                                      (909) 695-2277

                                      Fuller Psychological and Family Services
                                      Pasadena, CA
                                      (818) 584-5555

                                      Biola Counseling Center
                                      La Mirada, CA
                                      (310) 903-4800

         8.    Effects of  Pornography
          Porn is not an innocent  pastime without its victims.  Children are the most serious  victims of porn.  Studies indicate that one in three girls  and one in 7 boys will be sexually molested before the age of 18.  What does this have to do with porn?   Eighty-seven percent of  molesters of girls admitted to being regular users of hard-core porn.
         Not only the children, but women have been raped, abused sexually, and scarred for life by men addicted to porn.    But it is not only men doing this.   Young people are vulnerable to the influence of porn at an early age.  A 12 year old boy, Brian Thompson,  spent time in his pastor’s study calling  dial-a-porn services and was exposed to a variety of sexual  activities. After two weeks of listening, he assaulted a 4 years old girl.   So many victims, the girl, her parents, her siblings, all have to live with that hideous crime.
         Can a man  view hundreds of pictures of naked women and then look upon his wife with the same sense of wonder?   One woman wrote “Pornography has been a part of my husband’s life since he was a teenager…I have begged and pleaded for him to understand how his interest in everyone else’s body and sex life is ruining our marriage…how can a woman close her eyes to the fact that a man prefers to watch a flick than be with her?”    How can one possibly say that it doesn’t undermine families  and  distort  relationships in the family?    A similar story could be told by thousands of wives.

Links to helpful sites

Focus on the Family
 Barnabus Christian Counseling Network
Psychological Counseling Services
Pure Life Ministries
New Life Ministries

The Focus on the Family Website  has  nearly 200  articles one can read on-line.  Go to Focus on the Family  and type pornography in the search box.  This page has been influenced by material on that website.

                                                    The Healing Site

    Here is an additional source on the issue.

 Dr. Judith Reisman WND Exclusive Commentary
 The impotence pandemic
Posted: September 27, 2007
1:00 a.m. Eastern

Sex therapists and pornographers have long prescribed pornography to correct male impotence and to "spice up" a couple's sex life. However, the broader meaning of "potency" is one's "power, authority … a person or thing exerting power or influence," scorning pills, potions or pictures.

The proper contextual definition of impotence, then, is not the narrow classification of "erectile dysfunction." A potent man does not fix his flagging libido with little blue pills or centerfolds.

Instead, a more complete and accurate definition finds men impotent when they cannot engage in a truly intimate conjugal embrace with their chosen beloved.

Princeton University professor of psychiatry Jeffrey Satinover said, "The pornography addict soon forgets about everything and everyone else in favor of an ever more elusive sexual jolt. He … will place at risk his career, his friends, his family."

Such is the definition of impotence. Satinover compared pornography to heroin, saying, "Only the delivery system … and the sequence of steps" differ.
Moreover, the sequence can work very quickly. Professor Mary Anne Layden of the University of Pennsylvania compared pornography's rapid effects to that of "crack cocaine."

In impotence, one replaces the face of one's beloved with that of novel pornographic fantasies. For, neurobiologist Peter Milner writes, "unfamiliar stimuli have a rewarding component. It is even possible to become addicted to novelty and uncertainty."

Indeed, several studies conducted by French neuroscientist Serge Stoleru also find that the "common condition" of impotence and lack of sexual desire among normal, healthy young men, reflect continued overexposure to "erotic" stimuli as exhausting their sexual response.

Someone once dubbed pornography "the opiate of the masses," an endogenous drug high called "lust" that makes wholesome sensuality seem run-of-the-mill. Pornography triggers high states of fear-shame-lust arousal ("flight/fight/sex"), quite the opposite of love. Therefore, devoted couples often confess dismay at finding pornography more arousing than their marital embrace. Many wrongly assume their love is weak. Yet, the strength of love requires an absence of the shame, fear, even hate that is the basis of lust. For a fuller discussion of the psychopharmacology of pictorial pornography, visit my website.

Says Milner, this explains why, to some extent, pornography and gambling are "multi billion-dollar industries. … Most stimuli become less attractive … as they become familiar and predictable. … Thus, novelty has an effect similar to that of reward." (Emphasis added.)

By definition, once their erectile function depends on the novelty of new pictures, such men are emasculated, "without power." They have traded their libido, their masculine power and authority, for a steady stream of new paper dolls.

In December 1953, Hugh Hefner began marketing Playboy as "sexual liberation."

But Hefner didn't bring sexual liberation; he brought Pornographically Induced Impotence, or PII.

Pornographically Induced Impotence is displayed in an August 1974 Playboy cartoon. A beautiful young girl and a handsome lad are in bed. Across the girl's nude body the grinning boy has laid a naked "centerfold" image. The girl under the paper doll asks, plaintively, "Are you sure you still love me, Henry?"

This Playboy lad – symbolic of millions of subsequently addicted Internet consumers – no longer commands his own natural-born masculine power to physically love.

Both "Henry" and his beautiful young vessel are robbed of their human rights; the power of their own intimacy.

Urged on by Kinseyan "sexperts" to bring "erotica" into their marriage beds, millions of hopeful couples have instead become puppets, dangled from the pornographers' strings.

Pornographically Induced Impotence is now a national pandemic, raking in untold billions for pornographers and their satellite businesses as well as from the marital discord and despair it produces.

From the Playboy mansion to Capitol Hill, from the Las Vegas bordellos to newlywed bedrooms, from Fortune 500 offices to Ivy League dorms, men and boys are habituating to the rewards of their own hand, provided by Hefner et al.

Public policy analyst Shaunti Feldhahn was interviewed recently about her church lecture program that included her research on men's "fixations on pornography."

The series was launched after counselors noted, "Many families in our church are struggling with pornography and with infidelity."

Men are "visually wired," Feldhahn explained. Their images of women stretch "back to his teenage years, and any one of the pictures is going to pop up at any time in his brain without warning."

In 1981, Hefner biographer Gay Talese wrote that "Hef's" influence reached out to "the central nervous system of Playboy readers nationwide."

And, that "central nervous system" included "images" popping up and stretching "back to teenage years." By 2005, some estimated impotence at roughly 50 percent of men.

What percentage suffer from pornographically induced impotence is unknown. For pornography emasculates indiscriminately. It castrates men of every race, religion and "orientation," atheist and orthodox, rich and poor, conservative and radical, young and old, svelte and paunchy, handsome and unappealing, scientist and sky cap, the clever and the obtuse, en masse.

Pornographically Induced Impotence once kept men and boys breathlessly awaiting each month's "new" fantasy images. The Internet means they wait no more.

Good news for the sex business, sexologists and Big Pharma!

Men conditioned since boyhood to use erototoxins blame their wives, girlfriends, women for their own waning libido.

But even psychologist Bernie Zilbergeld warned that Playboy encouraged impotence in their consumers:

"Humor is the basic source of education. … Cartoons that poke fun at impotence or other male inadequacies … would outweigh any supportive things said in the advice column. Cartoons are simply more compelling. Some things are."

Yes, some things are. Zilbergeld never warned about the thousands of Playboy cartoons that "poke fun" at virginity, wives, marriage, religion, sexual harassment, single moms, incest and child sexual abuse.

Feldhahan said almost all men she surveyed said they "didn't want unlimited sex," but to have "a feeling of wanting to be wanted." One certain way to be wanted is to be a real man. Let "Henry" purge the paper dolls and the Internet dolls to retake his masculinity.